I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
