And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
