I think scott just propositioned me for sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
