I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
