he wants to bone in the snuggie
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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