I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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