whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
