Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
