Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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