So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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