Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
