It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
me + whiskey = a bad person
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
