How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
