i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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