Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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