Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
