I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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