you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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