Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
