so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
