I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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