I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
