DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
