If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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