what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
