I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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