I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
