I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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