this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
