Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its not stalking. its research.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
