Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
