So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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