It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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