I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
