..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
