I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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