It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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