Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
