And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
