Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
