I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
