before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
