I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
