So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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