Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
