There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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