She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
