I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
