I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
