$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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