I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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