you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
