a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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