I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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