I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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