she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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