The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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