Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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