I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
