That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
