So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
