I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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