I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
