so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
