He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
