you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
